I Do (Many such things).

Musings about marriage.

Researcher’s side note : Most of this information is drawn together by absolutely zero personal experience. However, I hang out at adult places a lot. These are arbid bullet points, most of them fictional which is why they make so much sense.

1. Marriage is the most hopeful decision you will ever make. 

Think about it. At 26/27/32 ... you assume, that this person will somehow be able to grow, expand and walk with you, as you grow, expand and mould into something you can’t even define just yet. Most math equations factor more probability than this decision. 

Have you travelled the world?

Met people younger, older, stronger, better?

And the clincher, do you even know yourself, yet? Your ice cream tastes are in a constant flux of evolution, what makes you think your choice in people won't be? 

2. A marriage will not be sustained without lies. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still collecting signatures for my 100% Honesty 100% of the Time campaign (we need a new campaign title!) 

But, all the fabulous married people out there will confirm, that it’s really the little lies that keep their marriage growing, ticking and not imploding. A Frankestinian version of the ‘what they don’t know, won’t kill them’ keeps most chugging along.

3. You’re not really married until 6 months into it. 

Maybe point 3 comes from the joy of belonging to the Great Indian Wedding background- however the expanse of being married and all that it entails, only really dawns on you, once the ladoos, dinners, photo-ops and gushing noises stop.

For most couples the period between the engagement, wedding and six months hence, is only really driven by inertia. You’re too exhausted from eating all that food and smiling to even realize, grasp and move with what you created. Happiness is an easy monster to feed on, and you do. Till one day, real life kicks in and that’s when you know what being married is like. 

I sound angry, because I only recently realized that its not all- sit on a chair, look fabulous and collect presents for the rest of time !

4. Marriage is frumpy at the edges, and that’s the most picture perfect angle. 

That time, when you’re sick and gross and even your kindest friends will only call you on the phone ? Its great then, to have someone take care of you. Have soup with you. Accept you, even when you’re a red-nosed, heat radiating, flu-ridden zombie from hell.

5. Most marriages are tested  when you play family. 

It’s a fair playing field when it’s two fools who come together and promise each other eternity and beyond. What makes it an interesting movie to watch , is when you throw other people into the mix.

Love me, love my family. Absorb all the idiosyncrasies we have as a group, and run with it.

Is it easy? Hahaha. (Sorry, too much audience laughter for a more evolved response)

Is it fun? Not all the time, everyday. But it has it's moments. 

Is it important ? In measured degrees, yes extremely. Oddly, it keeps us from turning into narcissist, self-project driven individuals who equally deserve to be abandoned when their children grow old.

6. Marriage is just that thing you do. 

That may not have been my most nuanced sentence yet, but I couldn’t have put it differently. It’s like choosing to play tennis.

It works for some.

Some make it work for them.

It’s never an option for some.

But, it’s only just that- a thing you do.Which makes it as good, bad, permanent, shackling, empowering as you want it to be.

That.

Or just wing it.