Thursday, 28 November 2013


Most of the real bits took place in airports.
Their relationship spilled onto the baggage strip, hugs which never held tightly enough and goodbyes which were ends in themselves

Can you pick at the little bits that make up a goodbye ? Every time you say goodnight to yours at the front door?
Small increments and every day goodbyes gnaw away at the most passionate of loves
Imagine what living between cities did to them?
Each good bye was like a blowtorch burning a hole into their relationship
One which they tried to fill up with too few letters and too many text messages.

It could have been the winter when he first left for college.
She woke up with a tight knot in her stomach. Convinced that the knot was nothing more than a sum of her female neediness. That she was going to let him go, grow and prosper. Hoping desperately that he recognize the largess of her heart, be overwhelmed with how great her love for him was and never leave.
His cab arrived 15 minutes before time.
He kissed her softly on the cheek. And left

The second time was two years later. 
They had been living together for six months. She had moved cities to be with him. He needed to move to a new one now to chase his dream internship.
This time they rested their love on the plank of "we've been through so much distance and time together". As if tragedy worked on an air miles plan.
They held each other close.
She knew she couldn't move cities again. This time, he had to be the one to make sure they were together. Too many women's magazines and indignant chick flicks had taught her what being into her should look like. 
Don't move for him, let him move for you.
So she threw herself into life in the city without him. Ignoring the ache or the fact that she now slept on her left side. Refusing to face the other side of the bed.
The too many text messages were replaced with work emails and good night emoticons. A tiny, smiley face with puckered lips filling in for how his arms held her waist too tightly.

The third time was a year later.
They had decided to go on holiday together. Terrified and wildly optimistic that sun, sand and constant "I missed yous" could put together the frayed edges and breathe life into yellowed plans.
She remembered to start conversations to get to know him again. He attempted to touch her in non sexual ways to remind her (or himself) that he still loved her. They played this game of tag, till the alcohol and sunset took over and then fell into bed. A crumpled pile of love and need not expressed loudly enough.
Vacations end. Mostly in heartbreak.
This time the hug was passionate. But she never turned around as she got onto her flight. Looking back will make you weak, the daily calendar of quotes had told her.
So she spent all her time on the plane wondering  if she had would she have found him waiting, watching.

The blame came rapidly. Almost exhausted at being squelched for so long. And like all important life events, it ended in the flash of a second. Leaving them wondering if the first goodbye was a mistake or the way the cards had always been stacked.

(Picture Credit: Here)