Monday, 14 May 2012

Ishaqzaade - A Sociolgical comment on idiocy!

Ishaqzaade -I want my movie money back !

Two things will happen if you read any further:

1. Spoiler alert. I have no intention of hiding the lack of brilliance, which was the movie script.
2. You will realize that it is in fact possible to time travel. Habib Faisal (esteemed director of said movie) will take you on a beautiful regressive journey set in the picturesque town of Almora.

The movie revolves around a simple middle class town where electoral politics are de rigeur.
 Parma (local beefcake, strutting around with revolver and a toothy smile) is the Hindu grandson of Surya Chauhan. Zoya, waistcoat strutting (two marks to the stylist here for some authentic styling), MLA-wannabe, daughter of the Muslim political candidate.

Parma and Zoya hate and mouth off choicest abuses, to one another. One sunny afternoon, Zoya slaps Parma. Parma in turn holds a gun to her forehead and plays a game of blink. Zoya wins and Parma proclaims his undying love for her by accosting her, in a dilapidated government college, ladies loo. Undeterred, by his ability to scale water pipes and identify unknown exits out of the ladies loo, Zoya promptly falls for her Stalker Man Charming and becomes “pareshaan” (Side Note- Decent song)

Of course, the above abusive relationship is solidified, by Zoya giving up her womanhood as a gift. This, only when Parma marries her, in a shady garage attested by  his two charming friends.

Parma, reveals that he has now “ruined” Zoya and thus avenged, the one slap a year ago. Cue evil laughter and cocky strut as Zoya crumples into a “ruined” heap.

After a lot of bad editing and useless gun shots in the air, Zoya finds herself at Parma’s house. Her lost virginity, costs her Pop the elections. Of course, the reason being “the guy who couldn’t control his daughter, cannot control our town”. Control, being key here. Slow clap for this reference to democracy !

Parma’s mom meanwhile finds Zoy-crouching tiger hidden dragon on the terrace- trying to take the apple of her eye (5-time-graduate-fail) son’s life. Being a woman of reason, intellect and evolved morals, she quickly drags Zoya in, ties her up and proceeds to beat Parma.
Zoya now must, make good this deal and stay with Parma (Yes, Parma- he of the chivalrous, ‘let’s do it in an abandoned train’ move). Zoya must now live, with Parma. Because, without, she will be killed. You see, she is a maligned, dirty woman. Not only has she had sex, she has also married a Hindu.

 To prove her point and save their love, Mumma Parma takes a bullet and makes a hasty exit from this Magnum Dopus.

Once Mumma P has gone, it suddenly hits Parma. “Shite! I kinda messed up here- I will now say sorry and fix this”. Scoring one point for character turnaround, Parma takes Zoya to his favourite bar girls’ home for shelter. The bar girl is told that she must not touch Parma anymore. Zoya will hit him and Zoya will clean his wounds. It was like the Stockholm syndrome met an abusive relationship and had a baby called – THIS MOVIE.

Zoya truly falls in love with Parma, the day he stops her from dancing for fun with those “bar girls”. “Oh, thank you Darling, you controlling me and wanting to kill for me, is what makes us ISHAQZAADES.” The now happy twosome, decide to flee Almora, but not before meeting and pleading for Zoya’s dads forgiveness.

On the happy occasion of Mother’s day (when I saw this), we saw Zoya’s mum pleading with her dad to not shoot, at his only daughter. We’re not sure what he is mad at, a) that she was “used” by a Hindu, or b) that she decided to fall in love and marry him or c) because she cost him his seat ? Nevertheless, Daddy goes chitty chitty bang bang, on both their asses.

Eventually, the two political honchos form a coalition (no reference, to National politics here). The joint statement issued is- Lets kill ‘em fools, they will cost us some much needed religious fanatic votes. 

Meanwhile, the two lovers are running around the building saying stellar things like “ Hey, bruv! Let’s not have kids, they will also be hunted and killed like us. This is all so pointless
Faisal, drove this shipwreck home by Zoya’s brain wave- “Darling, let us kill each other. I must admit, since I have no self respect and decided to fall for you post abuse, your arms are where I belong.” Parma- “nooo.. err.. noo”. They go on and shoot each other, three times, in the stomach.

Because, really, that’s how it’s done.


  1. Clearly by reading this I can understand how much you liked this movie however I have some points to make!!

    Certainly our cinema is heading in right direction with the kind of story telling is happening however where we still fail is EDITING, directors end up putting a lot of effort on the songs and the performances. Same with this movie, the songs and performance does hold brownie points however the editing could’ve been tighter in the second half as the scenes in the kotha and chases seem never-ending after a point. also, at several points the actions of the hero are never justified..A modern day audience like me will never want to watch some loose threads!!

    At the end a good one time watch!!

    Following your blog made me become a critic!!!

  2. Smart writing does not a clever review make. This is as far removed from a sociological reading as Ishaqzaade is from Agneepath. What you've criticised is what actually happens in small town India. Case in point - the UP DIG's statement that he would shoot his daughter if she eloped. Real people say and do this in real India. If you were looking for an urban film with characters straight out of a Hollwyood romcom then you got the wrong film. The film is NOT regressive, the attitudes and problems shown in the film are. There is a difference in the two which an unintelligent viewer like you probably missed. You are angry with the Zoya character A. because she is a strong woman. Leave her alone. Please go rave over your cleavage showing Sheilas and Munnis and leave the very real Zoya alone.

  3. Hi Sahlini :), I think you have missed the point completely. I am well-aware of what happens in rural India, of people being shot if they elope. But I question the premise of this “love”. I beg to differ, on your Zoya, she who is in “love” with her rapist; vacillates between killing him from a terrace and marrying him because he turned a new leaf, or did she do this because she had no option? Let’s talk and show case more real issues in rural India- how some tribes in the North east force the daughter to marry their father, or how a woman trades her flesh for money, because she too like Zoya was used and left. Do not, however, at any point try and seduce people into believing this badly scripted film was reflective of real problems, or worse still real love.
    Aside- while I have no affinity for either Sheila or Munni, bearing cleavage or lack thereof, is not reflective of a woman’s strength. You being one, should not further the stereotype.

  4. Shalini *, sorry for the typo above.

  5. I agree with Kakul here.
    1. The 'issue' is not the issue here. Its NOT gutsy to die for your sadist-rapist. Its pathological.
    2. She was not even taking about the issue. She is just disturbed, like me, how a warped (read retarded) concept of love is being projected for the impressionable youth to embrace.
    3. I'm sad Zoya is dead, when clearly counseling and anti-psychotics could've saved her. (Here comes the 'real issue' of healthcare in rural india).
    4. Shalini, i'm sorry, but YOU are the one who sounds angry. Really. Please don't be so quick to pass judgement. Please don't entangle unrelated issues. And finally, please be respectful. Of everyone.

  6. You clearly read The Vigil Idiot and The Compulsive Confessor(refer to a few earlier posts) and have no qualms in shamelessly, but intelligently(giving you credit where its due, so yay!) lifting from both sites. Also, Sociological comment?really? this is wannabe at best.

  7. Hi Anonymous, That's a happy conspiracy theory, I'm mildly flattered that you'd compare- both those guys do some awesome work, and one of them is a published author ! - this incisive feedback would have had some credibility if you hadn't posted under "anonymous"

  8. Um, intelligently lifting stuff off other sites, is not comparing. Baby steps towards plagiarism, is more like it. I'm aware both do awesome work, one's even a friend. Also, Miss, do run spellcheck every once in a while.

  9. Kaks keep at it; a few haters and some ruffled feathers are *always* a good sign. :)

  10. Tinkerbell ! Thank you for the show of solidarity and love :). Don;t worry, telling honest critique and vicious personal agendas apart is quite easy.

    Do keep visiting !


  11. Kakul i havent seen the movie, and i dont know if its good or bad- BUT that doesnt change that your writing style is awesome :)
    Keep it going, and i love tha haters. So much importance they give the blog! They read, think of bitchy things AND post!!

  12. Thank you Anonymous, but do post with your name. Lovely things (or even otherwise)- must be said , out loud ! :)

  13. It was a beautiful film because:
    - How can a film be regressive if it depict the actual no too preety realities? It was brave. Those who are offended by reality are cushioned by excuses.
    - Zoya had to be brilliantly uninhibited to marry outside of total expectation - thats not stupidity but love. Love is not rational
    - Parma was reckless and was desperate to please his grandfather the way Zoya was. His actions were proabably advised by the two idiots cousins.
    -Parma redeemed himself by a) listenining to his mum's advice b) saving the life of Zoya c) seeking forgiveness d) pleading his love Zoya. He was an anti hero that turned heroic.

    Room for improvement:
    - A longer segment about how Parmar changes as a person and how this influences Zoya to love him back.
    - A less traumatic end. Iether Parmar dies saving Zoya and sacrifices his own life or they both live and no declaration on honour killings to make it sound like a government led warning.
    - Parmar spent a lot of time saying 'forgive me or mum will be restless' 'If I hadn't betrayed you mum would still be alive'. He should have been less self pitying and more driven in his persuit romatically. This would have silenced critics who question his feelings. Afterall a charasmatic wooing has forgiven SRK and others many a time!