Thursday, 19 April 2012

Everything wrong with the world {and other dramatic claims} !

I think it all begins with Pet Peeves.
Adulthood, and who you are.
That’s when personality really develops. Takes its wings, learns to fly, soars- that kind of thing. More than ambition, hopes and dreams—It is minor irritations or the happy lack thereof, which rule our lives. If you don’t know what annoys you, what makes your skin crawl, or what makes you swear under your breath- then you don’t really know yourself, do you?

I consider myself an evolved, intelligent human being. Given this state of being, it is only natural that I have multiple pet peeves.
 According to A.A, acceptance is the first step towards recovery.  This list below, may not serve any purpose other than making me angry and snarky- but hey, that’s when the comebacks really become publishing worthy !

#1 LOL – Apparently, the age of Apocalypse was upon us the day someone sent a message which said “LOL.” 
That really was, the Beginning of the End.

One time, in an effort to dissuade my friend (and you know who you are!) from saying LOL.
 I replied to her texts with “ Haha !”.
Completely sidestepping the derision, she replied “LOL”.
This continued, until I sent her an image of a shirt-less Edward Cullen.

Her next reply was- OMG! He could be mine. LOL. <3. <3.

If the offense stopped there I could live with it. There are twerps who say it, out loud !!
To your face.
They will laugh and then follow it up with LOL. Just in case, you were too stupid to understand what the laughter meant.
 Next, I will be slapping their faces and saying “ S.L.A.P”.
Y'know, just in case the stinging cheek doesn’t quite convey what just happened.

#2. Copy/Paste –The cousin of the LOL-ers. 
These people troll sites, your updates, songs, basically any words put together and then update as their own. With not so much as a polite “ “.

Oh, you wrote- Not all those who wander are lost? You must really be J. R.R Tolkein.
Pl return the money you borrowed from me, and live off your book’s movie rights royalties.

Learn to give credit where credit is due. You don't fool anyone. None of your 500 friends believe you are a Chris Martin quoting, Hemmingway spewing, ardent liberal. You just have an internet connection and a lot of free time.

#3. Chewbacca called, shut your mouth!- Intimacy is beautiful when it is a two way street.
 If I can tell when you’re eating spinach and when it is bruschetta, then I know too much. I don’t want a mental image of what chewed up food looks like, inside your mouth.
Trust me, no Instagram filter can fix that.

I truly believe that the man who coined 'Familiarity breeds contempt' , suffered some painful dinner guests. That stuff, really makes you revisit life.

While writing the above list, I realised this was only the tip of the iceberg.

There are many more to add but I heard someone say LOL and I must now go save the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment