I've heard my girlfriends whine about their relationships. A lot. And, I've come to a genius conclusion – the most complicated relationships, most girls I know have, is actually with Food.
Let me state upfront, I know beautiful, healthy women with no eating disorders.
(Key to conversation below:
SYRVC=Sinfully yummy, Red, Velvet Cupcake
HF= Helpless Female )
SYRVC- Hey, foxy lady. How you doin' ?
HF- Oh, don't even think about it mister !.
I’m not your type. I'm going to start eating healthy. In fact, day after tomorrow I WILL go on that run. If the alarm goes off on time, that is. Or maybe, if work gets cancelled.
That’s right, I would definitely exercise much more, if only work started later. Say, at noon, every day. I would be a gym bunny. One of those girls who exercise in fabulous gym gear.
Anyway, sorry, I’m not interested
SYRVC- And yet, of all the cafĂ©’s in all the world, you had to walk into mine?
HF- Look, I get it.
You’re red velvet and you have all the ladies falling and swooning over you. Especially, those emotional ones, at that time of the month.
But, you’re not my type.
You used to be, but I have moved on. I’m looking for a life long commitment to health. Not a cop out.
SYRVC- Ah, I see. So, this life long relationship starts after you stop staring at me?
The chemistry between us could break this glass, you know?
Let me come sit next to you. I’m sure I can help you forget your worries.
Or, maybe you’re just not the kind of girl who can handle me. Oh, well.
HF- *tee hee* You've clearly practiced your charm, bad boy.
Ok. I guess, I can hang out.
Maybe just today. It doesn't mean anything. I won't be back tomorrow, of course.
I have plans
*To the server- I’ll have four red velvet cupcakes, oh and a cup of Green Tea please ! Gotta, work on the metabolism too !*
Like their dating lives, most women and their cupcake (insert, preferred dessert of choice) relationship is a mixed bag of
Torment, Eventual Submission ,Temporary Euphoria , Delayed Guilt and a coping mechanism of nothing but Total and Aggressive Rebound.
Of course, one could always have a healthy, balanced approach to food and dessert.
But what of love and cupcakes, if you can’t fall headlong, truly, deeply madly into them?
If only, to come out a little bit wounded and sick in the stomach, in the end?
I’d word play with euphemisms more, but the cake crumbs are making it hard to type straigghtks.
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