How I lost my girlfriends to marriage and 20 other ways to lose weight !

I heard, it happened to people when they hit their twenties. For me, it started last year.
One or two of them innocuously dropped off the radar. Come 2012 second half and 2013- it is here. It is real, and I know what the mayans were going on about.

I’M LOSING ALL MY FRIENDS TO MARRIAGE !

As a firm believer in sparse use of capslock, I firmly believe that the above sentence (font and capslock not withstanding) does not emphasize my trauma enough!

Once upon a time, I used to look forward to brunches. Just sitting around a table with my girlfriends, breaking bread (biblical reference alert), and talking about everything. Everything namely being, what she wore last night to where we should travel next.  How our jobs, lives and career paths need an overhaul to how our haircuts do. I do believe that, those brunches and dinners, accomplished more than most diplomatic meets can, on their agenda. There is little that can replace your girlfriends glee, when she is told about your latest, “you did whaatttt. I cannot believe it !” . It was banter designed by a really bad author, you spoke together in giggles and overlapping sentences, in written copy your conversation would have an overdose of exclamation marks. Everything was important, everything was urgent and everything need to be analysed. And there it was, this happy, self-contained world filled with comfort, laughter, wickedness and sage, sage advice.


Until of course, the day she sits across you and holds your hand. You promptly shrug it off and wonder if she is on some medication.

“Guess what?!”

“Tell me ! No wait, let me guess. You moved out/quit your job/broke up.”

“Oh, you’re such a drama queen. I’m getting married !!! It’s fixed. My roka is next month”

(for the uninitiated and any non- Indian readers of this blog. In which case, I love you don’t ever stop visiting! A roka is where the couple are ‘booked’ for each other. Much like a plot of land, we like that, here’s the down payment. Now  we own it. Muahahahahah, oh and mazeltov)

Don’t get me wrong, you’re happy for your friend and wish her a lifetime of love.
But there’s this split second when you know ,things will never, ever be the same.

And they aren’t, not until the wedding for sure. All talks on the table now revolve around clothes, what his parents said, , how so and so will try and outdo her at the wedding, venues and make up. Even the most sensible, well read girl has a bridezilla in her . You’re no longer breaking bread with your friend; you’re stuffing your face with carb comfort (thin line, big difference).

There’s always that moment, the one moment where you want to ask them to run away with you. Back to how things were and how comfortable and safe everyone felt. Back to when you were plotting on how many minutes to wait before you replied to his message and not how many kids you want with him. Like, all of life’s changes. There is no going back.

Your friend has effectively become a new “we”. And you need to catch up; there is no time to mourn. The new “we” will have diet plans and fittings. You will have vague plans for trips to Ibiza, now maybe by your lonesome. What used to be Saturday nights with you, will now be with her “we” and few other infected “we’s” around town. On the upside, this will happen to boys as well. Suddenly they miss their 'bro', the one they're used to hanging out, drinking beer, and scratching balls with.

At this time, two things happen-

a) you get caught in the madness and decide to propose to your two week boyfriend (monumentally bad move!)
b) you find other single, cougars and sign up for new friends around town.
Don’t do either.

You and I know, your friend needs you now more than ever. Be her gotapatti touting, fake smiling reality check, the one who promises to grind the guy into Matrix like smithereens if he ever hurt her.
Afterall, that’s what friends are for.