To Meera, Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad !

An open angry letter, to Meera from Cocktail.



This is a spoiler, but so is Meera (you get the drift!)

Yo Meers,

I would have written last week, but I was too busy being hurt on account of Deepika. So, I refrained. But the high road and making nice is not where I’m at.

As a result, this is my vicious, open letter to you on the internet.

You suck !!

*Dammitt* I promised myself, I would lead with a logical argument.

The thing is, Meera, every story starts at the beginning. You were once the blubbering girl, in the loo of a wasted diner. You were also chilling on the curb of Heathrow’s smallest exit. You were also, homeless, friendless and clearly without any survival skills. Basically hon, you were dead meat.

Let’s ignore the, ‘what was she thinking’, when D took you in. She clearly believed, that despite her parents being AWOL, most other people were decent and deserved decency back. You set her straight there, didn’t you ?

Other than the odd dusting around the house, which ANY room mate with a sense of responsibility will do, salwar kameez notwithstanding, you didn’t really contribute much. D, on the other hand, publically humiliated a guy who was a jerk to you. You said he was a jerk. She believed you, and demonstrated what standing up to someone looked like.

You continued to purr and hiss at her new boyfriend. A guy, you claimed to hate and despise, and D who you claimed was your sister. Don’t worry, your feelings were nouveau schizophrenic, we get that ! Anyway, said jerk, says THREE nice things to you on a beach, when his REAL girlfriend is wasting Cape Town sunsets indoors. You promptly make big, Bambi, love eyes at him. Wearing your risqué-st playsuit, you decide to dance with abandon to what should really be D’s song !

Main hun hi nahi iss duniya ki ?!? REALLY !

(Aside-  This constant eye rolling is getting in the way of furiously pounding the keyboard !)

Like, the real hero of this movie, D decides to leave her toy boy with you. Faith, love, goodness implicit. Of course, when the cat is away, Meera will play.
Please don’t even try to innocent, small town yourself, that the beach dance wasn’t intimate. But, that’s what you did.  And when you finally kissed, you did the “oh, no, what just happened, this kiss completely blindsided me.”

I think the Kiss was the real climax of the story.

I waited for you, Meera, to recoil, in horror, disgust, shock and repeat “how could I do this?!”.
 Or, fling yourself off the scenic cliff for being the WORST FRIEND EVER.
Seriously, that would be an ok storyline for me too.
You, of course, discussed logistics with Gautam and seeing obvious operational problems like “aaj tum uske room mein sote ho, kal mere room mein aa jaogey”, you decided it was a no go.

You promptly return to your happy London pad, and resume dusting. Since, scriptures do say, “Clean dust and thy cheating ass shall be forgiven”.

Again, the key point was not that Meera and Gautam kissed. Fine, I’m from the 21st century and aware of the “shit happens” code. But, it would be truly lovely if you could man up and TELL YOUR FRIEND. When Gautam tries to do the honest thing, of at least telling the poor girl, you go all,  “oh no, stop! Please don’t *whimper whimper*”


The story is long, and I am out of patience to recount your scummy ways. But, here is where I disagree. While the on-going debate on morality and sluts vs good girls is fine for Cocktail.

The real debate should be

Why did the bad scummy friend get away with it, in the end?
OR
Meera- stop cleaning book shelves and clean your moral code!

I expected, elaborate diatribes on the terrible friend Meera was!

So, dear Meera, repeat after me,

No matter how hot, I think my roommate and best friend’s , almost middle aged, semi balding boy toy is. I will not go after him. If I do, I will tell her. I will not be a passive-aggressive person, currently competing for Most Ungrateful Person Ever.

Sincerely,
Me.